seven months later

Every now and then I think of American Samoa.

Every now and then I remember the feeling of the air, the rain, the humidity, the rocks beneath my feet, the salt water residue on my skin.

Every now and then I wish I could hop into the bed of a pickup to hitch a ride.

Every now and then I get Samoan songs stuck in my head.

Every now and then I am overwhelmed by the array of salad dressing options at the grocery store.

Every now and then I hear “Miss” and turn around expecting to see a bright yellow shirt.

Every now and then I complain about how cold it is in Washington.

Every now and then I remember sitting on the bus, head leaning against the frame, watching the waves roll in as we winded our way into Pago Pago.

Every now and then I reply to questions in Samoan, but only in my head, because no one would understand if I said it out loud.

Every now and then I stop on my walk home and marvel at the fact that it has yet to rain on me.

Every now and then I remember the laughter and smiles of my Voc-Tech students.

Every now and then I wish I could spend a Saturday exploring beaches and waterfalls with my fellow volunteer friends.

Every now and then I wrap fabric around my waist, put a flower in my hair, and listen to J Boog and Michael Mamaia.

Every now and then I wonder how things would be if I had stayed another year.

Every now and then I replay the memories of songs of prayer sung in perfect harmony at the beginning of the school day. Songs so beautiful they moved me to tears on more than one occasion.

Every now and then I wish I could board a plane for the journey to the island that I called home for a year.

Every now and then I worry about my favorite students and feel like I abandoned them.

Every now and then I pray that they don't forget about me.

Every now and then I contemplate going back for their graduation in June, knowing full well that it conflicts with the end of my school year here.

Every now and then I see my classroom in Nu’uuli, desks lined up, map on the wall, lesson plans on the board.

Every now and then I tell myself  "Don't worry".

Every now and then I hear the ocean in my dreams.

Every now and then I picture myself walking in Leone, flagging down a brightly colored bus that rumbles loudly along the road.

Every now and then I stoop down when passing in front of someone.

Every now and then I remind myself not to eat and walk at the same time.

Every now and then I long for the warmth that doesn’t just come from the sun, but from the view of the coconut trees, the bright turquoise water, and the mountains rising against a cloudless sky.

Every now and then I suffer from P.S.A.D (Post Samoa Adjustment Disorder)

Every now and then I wonder if I’m ever going to fully recover, fully adjust to being back home.

Every now and then I get homesick for a place that’s 5,400 miles away from where I grew up.

Every now and then I get frustrated.

Every now and then I feel discontent.

Every now and then I think about how the stuff I brought home is just stuff in the end, and what really matters is the memories that are tied to the stuff.

Every now and then I open up the notes and pictures that my students gave to me during the last few days of school and realize that it's better to have loved these kids and let them go than to never have met them at all.

Every now and then I feel incomplete.

Every now and then I become unbearably sad.

Every now and then I wonder if the void in my heart is from leaving Tutuila, and those I left behind.

Every now and then I remind myself that by teaching in American Samoa, I fulfilled one of my life long goals. 

Every now and then there's a voice in my head calling me back to the island.

Every now and then I want to give in to that voice.

My high school

cheeky sophomores!

saw this on one of my last bus rides...Wildcats for Life!

                                                        

mother and son

           

                                           

taking a test! 

Rugby team

                                       

 One of my most favorite pictures

Miss Amber...my partner in crime.