When you leave here, don't forget why you came. ~Adlai Stevenson

Today I am in a really good mood. School was great, we are reviewing for the finals next week. My students were making me laugh. Mostly because they were being cheeky (especially a couple of my sophomores). It’s hard for me to get mad at them anymore. They say things that they shouldn’t and I just laugh. I can’t help it. I only have 2 weeks left with them, and I don’t want to spend that time getting frustrated and yelling at them.

Last Friday was the Junior Night dance. Heidi and I went to help out and see the kids. I was excited to watch them perform a dance that they had been practicing in my room at lunch the entire week. At one point, they had an activity for all the mothers (since it was Mother’s Day this past weekend). Some families had come to the junior night, and the kids went and got their moms and brought them to the dance floor. One boy went and got our principal. A few others grabbed teachers that were there. While we were sitting, a student came up to Heidi and took her out to the dance floor. I started to get my camera ready, then noticed one of my favorite students walking towards me. He said, “Miss, come on, let’s go!”, took my hand, and led me out. The activity ended up being a dance competition, in which my student and I took 2^nd place! It was so much fun. The other teachers kept saying, “Amanda, I didn’t know you were a mother”, and I would reply, “Yes, this is my son”. 

Today, when he walked in to class he said “Good morning Mom!” and I replied, “Good morning son!”. For the rest of the class, I called him son. And whenever I saw him that day, he called me mom. It actually feels natural, because my students seem to have brought out my maternal instincts. I get mad at them, frustrated with them, and annoyed with them. But I am also very attached to them, ridiculously proud of them, and truly love them. I want the best for them. I know I have said this multiple times, but I don’t know how I am going to leave them. If this place was closer to home, or if I could get home quicker/easier/cheaper, then I would stay. This is the perfect job for me. It’s exactly what I studied for when I got my Ed degree in Social Studies and ESL. But it is just too far away.

Right now I feel torn between two worlds. One that I grew up in, but haven’t seen for a year, and one that I have only recently become a part of, but has impacted me so much. If I could somehow mix them together and come out with the perfect combination, I would. If I could go home to my family and friends, but still continue to teach all of my favorite kids, I would do it. But right now, there isn’t a way to do that. So in three weeks, I will go to the airport and get on a plane. 19 hours later I will land in Spokane. I will then spend the next few days, weeks, months, trying to explain my experience here to people. I will tell them stories about my students and adventures with friends. But I don’t know if they will understand. How could they? They weren’t there when the skies opened up and started dumping rain on us, sitting in the bed of a pickup. They weren’t there on the bus after we won a football game. They weren’t there for the lunch time conversations with my girls. I can try to explain the way I feel about this place, these kids. But I have yet to think of any words that would do it justice and somehow, I don’t think I will. All I can do now is just soak it all in, and enjoy what little time I have left on this beautiful rock in the middle of the ocean. I will cherish the few days that I have left with my students, my kids, my loves.